Excited mom wants a sexdate

Unfortunately, I have to look for the man who will live with me once we're in a relationship. My boyfriend doesn't want that, and that's where I feel a great sense of loss.

I'm very polite and tidy at work, but sometimes I wish I could do things differently, because then I wouldn't be alone anymore. Then I wouldn't have to feel lonely at home anymore, and I wouldn't have to wonder why no one notices me. Yes, I am insecure. Surely someone reading this can help me and let me go.

My boyfriend is always very calm and considerate towards other people. Once the door is closed and the people are gone, his inner beast comes out and he burns me down to my shoelaces. I can't stand this much longer. Would you give me a hand and show me the good things in life again?

Besides my dear boyfriend, I don't really have anyone around me. Unfortunately, I can't talk to him about my feelings and thoughts. I hope to find a patient, listening ear in you.